THE QUALITY OF MERCY

By John P. Ruane

I am a party in a civil suit against Delbarton School, an august, well-respected institution in Morristown, New Jersey, run by the Catholic order of Benedictines. The suit accuses Delbarton of negligence and seeks compensatory damages.

The two preceding sentences represent a straightforward statement of the situation. But add a single clarifying phrase — that the negligence involves child sexual abuse — and you can almost hear the giant can of worms being opened.

Why is this so? Why do such cases present themselves as intractable, prickly, better left swept under the rug?

The stigma attached to child sexual abuse figures in. The subject is disturbing. Plus the abuse is widespread: twelve percent of all children will experience some form of sexual maltreatment by the time they turn eighteen. Also, the legal response to accusations tends to adopt the scorched-earth policy of attack, deceive, deny, delay, recriminate.

So we have a ferocious countervailing reaction to an extensive, stigmatized concern, one that involves — if we crunch the numbers — a billion victims worldwide. It’s all too much. You’ve already turned the page.

There’s a name for these kinds of issues. “Wicked problems” refers to challenges involving many interdependent factors, making them appear impossible to address. Homelessness. Climate change. Addiction. Poverty.

And child sexual abuse.

These cases have rarely come before juries. The religious institutions prefer out-of-court settlements, complete with ironclad non-disclosure agreements.

Although the courts allow plaintiffs to use Jane Doe or John Doe as pseudonyms, I filed under my own name. I felt this was my own small way to face down the stigma, to brave the guilt, shame, and ugliness attached to victimhood. Personally and from speaking to others in similar positions, I well understand the long-lasting trauma involved here. There is no question about the social need for a cogent, caring, healing response.

That’s why I have sought to step outside of my individual role and attempt to think about how things could be different. It’s led me to question the oppositional, adversarial approach that has become all too familiar in such cases.

Heartlessness seems to be built into the legal system. Law firms fear malpractice suits if they do not get the long knives out, aggressively pursuing all methods of response, no matter how morally reprehensible they might be. Heavy-handed assaults on victim’s character and reputation, so familiar in rape cases, still remain common. Exhausting the financial resources of plaintiffs through countersuits and defying court orders are part and parcel of a charade of “we’re too big to fail.”

Could there be another way? Lately there has been a hint of a glimmer of a change. For legal purposes, my civil suit and others treat entities such as the Order of Benedictines as corporations. We have lately been asked to accept the notion that corporations are people. Isn’t it time we ask corporations to adhere to the same moral standards we expect from individuals? What is required can be boiled down into two words: transparency and accountability.

This would require a one-hundred-eighty degree turn. The Greek word for repentance is metanoia, referencing a transformative change of heart, especially in a spiritual sense. The Christian religion portrays itself as a wellspring of mercy. It is high time that some of its healing, charitable, merciful waters spill over into the legal sphere and influence the response to child sexual abuse.

No more hollow words, but measurable action.

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This Op-Ed was written in 2022. As of January 1, 2024, there are nearly forty active civil lawsuits against Delbarton School and the Order of St.Benedict of NJ (OSBNJ). These lawsuits are largely made possible by the New Jersey Child Sexual Abuse Act of 2019 as part of the New Jersey Victims’ Rights Bill.

Here is a link to my COMPLAINT, JURY DEMAND, DEMAND FOR PRODUCTION OF DOCUMENTS.

Here is a link to the website, Under the Green Wave, which contains 200 entries including extensive links to news articles about the longstanding issues of child abuse at Delbarton School.

We can put our heads in the sand or stand tall and look for ways to protect and take care of each other. Maybe life is a little bit of both. The Foundation to Counter Abuse and Anger is the recognition that we are here by virtue of our in relationship to others. What do we want that relationship to be? What do we want to stand upon?